The Tale of Whifur the Gnome

A poem by Hargas Steelhead

The TUNNELS of Deglos were home,
to the CLAN of one Whifur the Gnome.
He was PRAISED for his skill,
but he LACKED strength of will,
this INVENTOR named Whifur the Gnome.

Clan SWIFUR was expertly run,
For their GOLEMS were flawlessly done.
These MACHINES were so strong,
they could DIG all day long,

and their TUNNELS were second to none.
But his FAME, as it spread through the land,
saw him CAUGHT in a sinister plan.
A Yuan-TI sorcerESS,
Who was WANDERING west,
Took an INTEREST in Whifur's great clan.

Once a SLAVE on the Lizard King's farm,
she had FLED Drotid's grasp without harm.
But her HEART had grown cold,
now REVENGE was her goal,
So she SNARED Whifur's mind in a charm.

And SOON all of the others were caught,
and COMMANDED by her every thought.
The Yuan-TI sorcerESS,
Would not LET the gnomes rest,
'Till her VENGEANCE could finally be wrought.

The CLANSMAN researched the foul deed.
And their ANSWER was found with great speed.
A Dark CROWN they would make,
For the EVIL half-snake,
But INGREDIENTS five did they need.

A NOBLEMAN'S blood, they did lack,
And FERREL corn too (that's a fact!)
'Bull Strength' TEA by the kettle,
And some WAR-tainted metal,
And the SKIN from a Lizard King's back.

So with YUAN-TI and Whifur in tow,
they went SOUTH, where the desert winds blow.
In M'CHEK did they find,
among CLIFFS far behind,
spots where CORNSTALKS of Ferrel did grow.

But the THEFT of the corn wasn't prime,
for the MONKS nearby witnessed the crime.
The MASTER o' the Way,
Summoned HEROES that day,
And these HEROES arrived just in time.

The brave SAMUEL and Jade and Divinia,
and ORLANDO, Quicksilver, and Kalah,
were cheered ON by this poet,
(well WOULDN'T you know it?)
fighting WAVE after wave of flesh golem.

When the DANGER had finally passed,
and a CAPTURED gnome clansman was asked,
he REVEALED Whifur's plot,
and those THINGS he still sought,
and those THINGS that he'd so far amassed.

Thus the HEROES they learned that the Clan,
Having PASSED through the west borderlands,
had quite EASILY found
metal LYING around,
which was TAINTED by war's bloody hands.

And their SEARCH for the potions of power,
at the ROMINI camp had gone sour.
The brave SARAH and Emrys,
and MOWGHINA and Hornace,
they had BESTED those golems so dour.

And a SECOND attempt in LeOr,
Had been THWARTED by heroes before:
IxILDOR and Talin,
And GEDDY, and Satin,
CalRIAEL and Angelus'Cor.

As he SPOKE, the gnome clansman did weep,
"You must HURRY to Derrington keep!"
Then his EYES glazed with fright,
the Yuan-TI'S unseen might,
pushed the GNOME into unending sleep.

It was THEN that the horror was known:
That the GOLEMS of flesh and of bone,
were CONSTRUCTED of parts,
of poor MONKS, praise their hearts!
Now the EVIL they faced, truly shown.

So these HEROES they did not delay,
and they FLEW from the Order o' the Way.
At Lord DERRINGTON'S keep,
near the ORC slavers' deep,
they ARRIVED in not more than one day.

But the GNOMES, though enspelled, were not dumb,
and had THOUGHT of a good rule of thumb.
"Use TRICKERY o'er brawn,
'till our TROUBLES are gone."
And ARMED with this creed did they come.

Thus at DERRINGTON'S party that day,
as the LORDS and the Ladies did play,
came a LASS in the door,
(in all TRUTH, a hired whore)
with a BLOODFURY-crystal-filled tray.

The GNOMES they just giggled outside,
'till the GUESTS were sufficiently high.
Then they SNEAKED in the door,
summoned GOLEMS and more,
and the HEROES could not turn the tide.

So the GNOMES they just happily fled,
having CAPTURED two noblemen dead.
Their INGREDIENT weened,
they FLEW from the scene,
And our HEROES were left there in dread.

The SORC'RESS, well pleased by the win,
Had the GNOMES try the corn once again.
With their NEWLY learned creed,
They got HELP with the deed,
by CONVINCING a dwarf to go in.

Then UP to T'Nanshi they went,
For the YUAN-TI she would not relent.
Five score POTIONS she lacked,
So a GNOME with some tact,
Gave a LACKEY some gold to be spent.

And so FINALLY just one thing remained:
Just the LIZARD king's skin to be gained.
The Yuan-TI thought it over,
then FORCED the gnome Fofur,
To ARRANGE for the king to be slain.

But the HEROES still followed the flame.
And were READY for Clan Swifur's aims.
Off on FOOT, Fofur set,
where two MAGES he met.
(QuickSILVER and Geddy their names!)

So the HEROES were hired by the Clan,
and a FINAL great battle at hand.
Just one LAST grizly win,
as they CAPTURED the skin,
then they READIED themselves for their stand.

More HEROES were summoned that day.
(Surely CALLED by the Master o' the Way.)
Gog, FIFUR, Orlando,
And MarCELLUS and Guido,
and DIVINIA entered the fray.

Fofur LED them down south to Bachwood,
where the HIDEOUT of Clan Swifur stood.
In the CAVES down inside,
was a MALEKI shrine.
(What a SHAME if it met with a flood!)

The TREACHEROUS gnomes did attack,
and the GOLEMS were barely fought back.
Using ALL of their wits,
and their STRENGTH, every bit,
the brave HEROES kept on Whifur's track.

Then at LAST they arrived at the core,
and poor WHIFUR lay dead on the floor.
Different GOLEMS now came,
made of GNOME parts, for shame!
Good Clan SWIFUR existed no more!

Then there CAME a most devilish sound,
'twas her LAUGH, this Yuan-Ti finally found.
The true SOURCE of the plot,
Her foul LIES never stopped.
And the HEROES... they put the bitch down!

Those few GNOMES that remained yet alive,
were RELEASED from her spell, and revived.
They knew NOT what to do,
had no PLACE to go to,
so EXHAUSTED and freedom-deprived.

But with KINDNESS, the MASTER o' the Way,
He INVITED the clansman to stay.
For the MONKS who'd been slain,
Were one END of a chain,
and the GNOMES would complete it that day.