Shan's Secrets 2007

This is the 2007 Section of Shannen Di'rithia's Journal Named SHAN'S SECRETS: It is a good-sized book, with a blue leather cover and tied with an old bow string. A lovely white feather is used as a bookmark. Shan's Secrets 2006 Shan's Secrets 2007

2007

Thu Feb 01, 2007 8:50 pm Two pieces of parchment with writing in her husband's hand are folded neatly and put in place inside Shannen's journal. The Pool We walk hand in hand Through the misty forest A gentle rain whispers We wander upon a secluded pool Shrouded in the mist The vapors retreat revealing The waters calm mirrored surface The falling rains make no ripples We both peer down at our crystal clear reflections The joy on our faces shines like the sun I lean down and touch the glassy surface A single ripple grows into many stealing away our images The ripples suddenly change to wind-swept waves The water rages like a storm As it turns fiery red and yellow The water soon calms as quickly as it began But the color remains Our reflections return standing side by side But the scene behind our reflections is now different Forest and sky are engulfed in flames Dragons rage war among the storms black clouds Forest animals flee before clashing armies As I lean down to the water I notice that my reflection does not copy me Instead our reflections hold each others hands With warm tranquil expressions Then embrace in each others arms Oblivious to the storms of fire raging all around them As I reach down to touch the water The vapors return obscuring the pool I feel warmth and comfort as a hand suddenly grasps mine I open my eyes to find us walking hand in hand through a misty forest Power of Love I dedicate myself to the discipline of the blade The cold steel remains constant and true The dance of steel provides release and comfort The dance of steel provides strength and vision Discipline of the sword is a lifelong pursuit The cold steel remains even when magics fade It is through the discipline of steel I prove myself worthy And through the sword I may exact my revenge My path of prowess and redemption has become clouded and dark For my awareness of another force weighs heavily upon me It is in your soft arms that I feel real strength It is your warm body against mine that strikes passion that burns It is your breath that breaths life into my spirit It is your love that lifts me and carries me high The cold steel remains constant and true But our love grows constantly and truthfully The bond of love provides joy and contentment The bond of love provides excitement and fulfillment The bond of love provides true power Rune

Thu Feb 01, 2007 8:50 pm Shannen’s writing is extra loopy and kind of large. Can it be: a home for us? For all of us? A home! A place for family and neighbors and babies and friendships! A nook in an alcove in a real neighborhood not hiding. A place to stand in the middle of and look around and point, saying, “Oh So and So lives there,” turn a little and point again, “And our friends Such and Such live there,” and turn once again to point to a new place, “That’s where the Whoosie Family lives now, they've come to start fresh,” then point again in yet another direction and whisper, “Stay out of that one’s yard, that’s Blankety-blank, the Neighborhood Grump!” I’ll pray and pray. I won’t stop, Cha’reth, I won’t! It’s scary to want something so much and to feel vulnerable. My heart's exposed . . . but I’m leaping. Rune’s always there catching me, arms open and eyes smiling, words reassuring, love unending. I’m brave. He makes me brave, he lets me dream and hope. I think I could fly right now! I am so proud of him. And I knew he could do it, knew he would do it! Cha'reth thank you.

Sun Jun 03, 2007 12:43 am I've neglected writing for too long . . . again! It makes my thoughts all jumbled to not write for so long. We return from Lomir and Cynn's wedding on the island. It was hard to leave Avlis, knowing all the work before me . . . and hard to come back, also knowing all the work before me. I'll continue, though, and do so willingly and with a happy heart. Anyway, it was a lovely ceremony, even more to have Saffie officiating, and to look around and see new faces and also spend time with those I've not seen in so long since . . . being there before. The island's beauty is not as quiet without Goldie on it. Of course it isn't. She's everywhere now, making a racket. I hadn't realized it would be so hard to go back. But it was. I'm glad it was. I'm glad the trees call her name and fireflies flash with her spark. I like to recognize her glow in every child's face at the Hamlet . . . to feel her in Rayne's hug and hear her in Bruno's laughter . . . to see her in Noor's eyes. Noor's eyes. . . so beautiful with her green dress. Cha'reth, would that you could reach her. . . But we all reach her. We do your works. Rune and I both love weddings. They do always bring us back to the day we bound, the happiest day of my life. Oh and the dancing is delicious. I tasted it. Rune tasted it. I bet not everyone thought it was as mouth-watering as we did . . . poor Layl tasted it when Sephira stomped all over his nice shoes. haha . . . to continue, at least to me, I don't know . . . when I attend a wedding I feel the Life restored by Cha'reth . . . like . . . Apara Thorpe. . . it's the same assault on my senses: The families' laughter is not something I hear. The ear is an entryway for what that laugher IS. And seeing the splash and then drying the tears of one of the children after she falls into the chilly stream: Eyes and Hands are two more passages for the force to enter. Nose smells the earth and plants gardened by the Avariel there. But Nose is a doorway for what I don't know the name of, the stuff that goes to . . . the expanse of something, whatever it is inside of us. Important things arrive to us that way. The way Goldie came to me on the island. The important things are those that enter through our senses and shake us, shape us and wake us up are like kisses: Subtle, personal, quiet . . . but big. They are so big. I hear Rune breathing as he sleeps and when I close my eyes and listen, I'm filled up. These things are so big.

Thu Nov 22, 2007 5:14 pm Some words are darker than others, that Shannen has gone over and over and over, as pictures flash through her mind between contemplative, retrospective pauses.* I’m at Kiki’s and Sally’s. It’s quiet, with tea. Sally’s still sleeping and this fire is drying me out. My Mother, Cha’reth, gone from me. She’s your girlfriend now. Is Nam jealous? Day thinks he would be. I think he’ll smile to see her. I’m smiling to think it but there is sadness I can’t yet put to words. This is empty. This is lost and my throat is tight. I sit wide-eyed, watching. . . all is going on. Little scenes. Rune’s perfect eyes, strong arms open, head on his chest. Eyes close, deflating. His warm cheek on forehead, lips on eyelids. I tip up, his kiss is life. I wake and fill. That power in him. . . it hides under your colors, my Father; that power such force, it teems and doesn’t rest. But oh how he wields it. Saffie comes to me too. What do I see? Someone to yell at. I’m mean. Her faith is her life. I won’t destroy her, or even attempt. Shannen shut your mouth. Don’t chase her away. Keep her please. Day’s here, I think [b]she needs to hold Sirion. I can’t. One hug. That’s all from me, and I back again to the shadows. Shadow to him. I can’t do anything for him. Never could. Never could. Never. I think Da’emona understands. She’s empty too. I bet she’s running running and weaving. Working. Bruno’s letter. Come help me Shannen. He and Sally. Molly, little sweet thing. Friendships lift us up. Hold us up. We’ll walk together, they say. We walk together. The thorpe. Mobilize, get up and go, Healers. Help to be had. . . without Mother. More scenes ahead. . . . Mother’s final wishes to be carried out now. . . letters to write, to read, to do. Things to do. I hear Sally. My Sally. Time for more tea.