Limericks of Hargas Steelhead

Steelhead
by Hargas Steelhead

There once was a priest of O'Ma,
Who OFFENDED an ancient church law.
One HOT sunny day,
He was RANDY an' gay,
An' he BUGGERED a cleric of Ptah!

The LADS at th' Order o'th' Way,
Keep INSISTIN' they're members ain't gay.
But TRUTH be et told,
If ah MAETE be so bold,
They BUGGER each other all day!

Ah'm KNOOWN far 'n wide fer me charms
An' me WIT, an me prowess wit' arms!
But WHAT'S lesser knoown,
The sheer SIZE o' me boone,
For the LADIES, es cause fer alarm!

Ah was JUST a young randy wee dwarf,
When ah HIRED a nymph-whore on the wharf.
'twas a SICKENIN' surprise,
when ah LATER surmised,
'twas in TRUTH an old hag polymorphed!

There WAS a mer-man with a notion,
Who GAVE a mer-maid some love potion.
It WORKED really fine,
They HAD a great time,
And NOW there's mer-kids in the ocean.

There WAS a young man from Anasket,
Who once SCREWED a dead whore in a casket.
He ALLOWED 'twas a vice,
But he THOUGHT it was nice,
She had NEEDED no money, nor'd asked it.

A COUPLE were seeking delight
In a GRAVEYARD by eerie moonlight
"GRUESOME!" he said
"Boy, it SURE did!" she said,
"I sure HOPE you can bury it right ... "

So I SAID to the mermaid, "My dear,
I've THOUGHT about this for a year:
Since it's NO use to hunt
For a CUNT in your front,
By CHANCE, is there one in your rear?"

Two FAIRIES were flitting one day
In the MEADOW where they liked to play
When the MALE made a pass
at the OTHER (a lass),
showing NOT quite all fairies are gay!

An ACCIDENT really uncanny
BEFELL an unfortunate granny;
She sat DOWN in a chair
While her FALSE teeth were there,
And BIT herself right in the fanny.

A PERVERTED young man in a choir,
Had an UNNATURAL love for his lyre.
But he GOT his ding-lings,
Both STUCK in the strings,
Now he's SINGIN' a full octave higher!

When he OFFERED thes lassie unique
INSTRUCTION in smoochin' technique,
(And SWORE his instruction
Stopped SHORT of seduction)
He SPOKE wit' his tongue in her cheek!

Said a HOMELY ole maid, unrefined,
"Let's SCREW!" to a man just and kind.
He REPLIED, "For thes task,
Ye must PUT on a mask,
And ah'll GIVE et t' ye from behind!"

To his BRIDE said the sharp-eyed detective,
"It might BE that my eyesight's defective…
Is your EAST tit the least bit,
The BEST of your west tit?
Or IS it a trick of perspective?"

An old SOLDIER who lived on a pension,
Saw a LASSIE more lovely than mention.
He SAID, "My poor rod,
In the OLD days, by God,
Would have RISEN and stood at attention!"

There are SOME who think sex is a sin,
But I SAY to these folk, "Think again!
For it's NATURAL, no doubt,
Since a FELLA juts out,
In the PLACE where a damsel juts in!"