Journal of Thomas Laszerewski

How I did it - Tomasz Laszerewski

It all started back when I was just a young Acolyte. I was researching arcane beings out in the universe and was reading about a powerful mage who was worried about old age and infirmity taking hold of him. He was decrying the weakness of his body disintegrating around him. His mind was still as sharp and focused as ever, but at the age of sixty, he had installed a privy in his laboratory just so that his research wouldn’t be interrupted.

I read all I could on him and he turned into a lich for his 83rd birthday. He had kept memoirs of his research and his life, and I am looking to do the same. He had created a phylactery out of a crown that he wore on his head, and that seemed to be his undoing. It seemed a brute from the north cleaved his head (and the crown) in twain. I will find something else to act as my power center.

Now I have finally found out how to build my phylactery. I must make it from the finest materials. I shall make it unbreakable and I shall use 100 souls to make it. I shall bring the devil Terpin with me to the wastelands. A final soul, the soul of someone who is goodly and that means something to me, will be needed. I have summoned the High Patriarch of my church to come to my monastery for this purpose.

I have placed my monastery High atop Mount Valok. I told that fool of a patriarch that it was to help to reclaim the Mountain for the glory of O’Ma. He does not know that my eyes were open long ago to the foolishness “good” and “love” still, the monks know nothing and all of the monastery is excited to see the patriarch as he will be ascending to O’ma on his visit. Too bad he will actually be ascending to Senath.

The Patriarch has become aware of something nefarious at the monastery. I don’t think he understands the full scope or he would not have confided in me. I must move my plans forward quickly. I must gather the entirety of the monastery in the main chapel and there I will unleash the forces of Senath to deal with them. This is good, as my draegoloths seem hungry.

Something went wrong. The ritual went forward and the well of souls was made. But something has changed. There was a presence at the ritual that I was not aware of until after the ritual. It seems we have an unexpected guest. I’m guessing it was part of the retinue of the patriarch.

The mezzoloths have brought a prisoner to me. As I suspected it was a young boy. He was part of the patriarch’s retinue, and now claims to want to be my acolyte. I will allow it. He could prove useful, and if not then he will be a sacrifice. In the meantime, I will need adventurers to get me some ingredients.

I need some ingredients to make a poison. I will need several doses of this poison, so I will need to get live versions of these creatures. I will need several phase spiders, some wyverns, vampire blood, 70 giant moths, and I will need a dozen or more people. I was not expecting that. Arsenic and Belladonna? Fucking dark ages mumbo jumbo. How much is a pinch? Gods forsaken nonsense.

My Acolyte, Yancy Fittwithers, has been doing remarkably well. He cleans, works hard and is learning to love Senath and follow my rules. I shall take him as my apprentice. I am told he will be thirteen next week. He is growing quite handsome. I will need to bring some ladies to the monastery for him to deflower. On the positive, they will be great for experiments at a later date. I need to figure out how to build my first creations, the laborers.

Orcs attacked the monastery today. It was quite amusing watching them climb the mountain and deal with the heat. I captured several of them and placed them in the holding cells beneath the crater. They will be my shock troopers once I change them. I need to make them more pliable.

Orcs and Dogs don’t mix.

Orcs and sheep are a bad idea. Fucking wooly orcs. In this heat? What was I thinking?

Orcs and Koalas was even worse.

Orcs and horses. Next!

I definitely need either a herd or pack animal. Ooh, flocking. Birds. Then they will be able to fly. DUCKS!

Oooof bad idea. Not ducks.

Starlings were even worse.

Flamingos, just fucking wrong on so many levels.

Fuck birds. Orcs aren’t meant to fly. Need elves for that.

Need something else. Why didn’t I think of this before? Turtles.

Too Slow. Crocodiles.

Fucking shit. They just lay there, and then suddenly they attack and eat everything. Still, they seem adapted to water which would be nice if I wanted to take over the crater area. I have it! Rhinos.

Shit. the rhino-orc ran after a monk. ran through the oak door that the monk closed. killed all the monks in that room. Killed some more before they took him down. maybe an Orc-Rhino-something calmer. A fish. oooh. a Jellyfish.

OWWW nope.

I’m going to work on something else. Yancy has gotten sick and is in bed. I think it’s serious. I need a healer.

The Healer told me Yancy has Syph Allus. Never heard of it. I hope he’ll be okay. Finding an apprentice is such a hassle.

Yancy has gotten worse. I think I know a way to work this so that I’ll have my apprentice. I’m going to perform an experiment.

Yancy was more than willing to lay in the machine. I am using a pig for constitution, a cat for dexterity, and a spider to see if it will help the splicing.

Success! Well, sort of. Yancy is alive, but he seems to have been changed into a pig/cat thing. He may still prove useful.

Nope, Yancy can’t talk, and the Webs coming out of his ass get everywhere. I need more time. I looked in the mirror for the first time in over three years. I’m getting haggard. Why do I look so old? I’m only forty nine. It looks like the well of souls is having an effect on me. I’m not a lich, but this is still quite disturbing. I will need to move forward more rapidly than anticipated.

Oh, Dear. I’ve gotten sick and haven’t been able to update my journal. The Healer (I think his name is Piotr, but don’t really care) tells me I have Syph Allus. I will assume I got it from Yancy.

I’ve got the poison compleet. Poison is done. Now to make the Phylactery. Phylactery must be different. Must make phylactery. Not a Gem. Not a crown. There is nothing, in all my research, that indicates that it cannot be a living creature.

Filac tery done. It werkt byootiful. I have the cyootess filac tery evur. Must take poison. Must finish the werk.

I chainj my nam. I will be cawld teench. I will remake the wureld to miror the wureld in my mind. my fantaseas will becum realitea. Hail Senath!

Terpin is angering me I kiled him and now he wont leeev i keep kiling him kil him agen and agen and agen but he wil not di. hayt devils i need to be stronger if i were stronger the survents wood oba need moar arms

moar arms is gud displaycer beest. hahahahaa delicious go AWAY

hi i like chikenandbiskit.

not 2 self, bern jernel.