The Ogre Gourmet: 50 Recipes for Elfmeat

"The Ogre Gourmet: 50 Recipes for Elfmeat"

The giantkin contributed much to the M'Chek/T'Nanshi war, not least the sharing of their accumulated culinary lore of the proper preparation and consumption of Elves, known by many a starving soldier as the "other" white meat. This tome preserves some of the best recipes and techniques which came out of this fruitful allegiance and many experts hope that one day elf slaughter will be seen as a sustainable food source by the people of M'Chek. Adjust recipes for human consumption on a 3 human per 1 ogre serving basis.

1. Tree-elf Tartar (feeds 3-4 ogres) - peel leather armor from a freshly slain elf. Most elves spill their bowels when going into battle with giantkin so make sure to clean the inner leg area carefully. Remove head and save for separate dessert. debone the elf and finely chop the elfmeat into small pieces using a sharp battleaxe, and add in 3 red onions. Mix in the 3 eggs, preferably pyrolisk. Season to taste. Serve raw

7. Trethlawn Tenderloins (feeds 15-18 ogres) - so often were the Trethlawns slain in battle that the giantkin came up with special delicacies for preparing their plump meat. Take fat elf and carve ample loin meet in long strips. Build a large fire and lay plundered elven short swords across, blades flat and leaving small gaps. Lay strips of meat on top of sword and repeatedly baste with a sauce made by mixing half a potion of fey wine with half a portion of elfblood. When meat starts to blacken, serve hot.

19. Clubbed Sandwich (feeds 6-8 ogres as snack) - Due to simple preparation, this recipe is handy for a quick snack on the battlefield. Beat elf on head with a large club till elf collapses. Use club to continuously beat elf thoroughly for 5-10 minutes, taking care to mash any lumps and bones until the entire elf is a smooth paste. Spread elf on large strips of bark from freshly chopped tree and eat.

23. Braised HiPS of Shadowdancer (feeds 3-4 ogres) - while giantkin are not known for the appreciation of dancing, they do love the taste of dancers. During the war, the giantkin satisfied this craving by routinely slaughtering shadowdancing elven archers. One ogre cook noticed that the hips of these elves were particularly well developed and a new recipe was born. Take 1 shadowdancing elf and remove hips. This will render the rest of the elf as useless, so discard excess. Cover hips in elfbrains and simmer in a large pot for 10-15 minutes. Drain and serve. Note: accomplished shadowdancers are best served plain but for ones with only a single dance season, best serve their hips with a side of cheese

34. Fishhaven Elfcakes (feeds 4-6 ogres) - sometimes derided as "new" cuisine, elfcakes are popular among the giants stationed at fishhaven and the surrounding environment. Take live elf and submerge in saltwater till elf is dead. Let pickle and marinate in seawater for 15 minutes. Keep an eye on elf or other ogre will take. Once elf starts to bloat, remove from water and cover in mud. Roll mudded elf in seagrass and then lightly sear all sides of the elf in a campfire. Slice into boot sized pieces and serve.

48. Apple-stuffed Avenger (feeds 4-6 ogres per avenger) - a staple diet of ogres and giants in the war, this recipe is accepted as the best way to eat these notorious archers. Subdue company of avengers. Chop down an apple tree and separate into branches, one per avenger. Stuff apple branch down throat of live Avenger until branch exits avenger's body at opposite end. This will likely kill the weak elf. Use branch as spit and slowly roast avenger over a fire until meat is pink and juicy and apple juices have mingled with the meat. Eat warm.

Recipes compiled and introduction by Sethra the White, High Reaver