Of Dwarves and Bears
I penned this verse hoping to share
The diff'rence between dwarves and bears
It's easy to mistake the two
So I'll describe them both to you
The two are quite alike, you see
So I'll unveil this mystery
If you observe a simple bear
You'll note his hide is full of hair
Much so the furry dwarves whose chins
Are hidden where the beards begin
Their fur's a blessing to their peers
Without it, all would run in fear
A shaven bear is quite the sight
And hairless dwarves cause naught but fright!
The bear on honey likes to feed
The dwarf subsists on honey mead
After their meals have been consumed
Their stenches quickly fill the room
Both dwarf and bear are stubborn types
When angered both will air their gripes
And even if things go their way
You'll find them growling anyway!
So how to tell these twins apart?
When both eat honey, bitch, and fart?
The answer isn't very clear
So I'll reveal it now with cheer!
A dwarf walks upright, on two feet
Bears walk with four paws on the street
And you will hardly ever see
A dwarf climb up into a tree
So if a furry thing you spy
Just poke the fat thing in the eye
Then climb up in the nearest tree
And if it follows, BEAR it be!
But if instead an axe it grabs,
Why, that's a DWARF you've got, my lad!
But if either one catches thee...
You didn't get this plan from me!
From The Complete Works of Adagio D'Tranticus, Vol. 1: Comic Songs About Animals