Shan's Secrets 2008

This is the 2008 Section of Shannen Di'rithia's Journal Named SHAN'S SECRETS: It is a good-sized book, with a blue leather cover and tied with an old bow string. A lovely white feather is used as a bookmark. Shan's Secrets 2006 Shan's Secrets 2007 Shan's Secrets 2008

Tue Mar 04, 2008 8:24 pm Sirion’s alive and just wrote to us, thank Cha’reth! I’ve been so worried about him. He says he’s better. I desperately want him back with me, us. But his being with Day is enough. I know he’s safe there. He signed the letter “The White Arrow.” I shuddered reading it. But he finds in there some truth, and that is his right. It’s hard to believe Mother’s been gone so long . . . I still haven’t had all of the girls over to go through her outfits. I bet she thought we’d have fun with them. Maybe that’s what we’re waiting for – to be able to have fun going through her things; reminiscing. The house feels so big even with Rune and his giant muscles and wings taking up all that space. I think it will never be right sized without Mother here. But it’s filled with sweet memories. Our wedding reception, meetings around the big table, heated talks at the fireplace . . . and now our quiet moments too, sipping wine in Mother’s old bedroom . . . our bedroom, sitting before the fire there, talking, sharing, loving, and arguing. When I look out the living room window onto her lovely garden, I remember one day in particular that Rune and I stopped over to visit. We’d been on one of our strolls, having come down from Apara Thorpe to pick apples, and didn’t realize it was Mother’s spring cleaning day. She was in the yard working on her garden, dirty and happy with a smudge of dark soil on her nose, her hair flying this way and that. Of course she put us to work right away . . . me weeding her garden and Rune beating those rugs. He was so funny, showing off like he does, making us laugh. When I look out her window to the garden I can see her that day – green eyes sparkling with love for us – her children – and hear her laughter as Rune pounded the dust to the winds of Visi. Glancing back through this journal of mine, there are so many memories recorded: The days Saffie first came to me, my wedding plans and love poems from Rune, the deaths of those I loved and cared about. Ha . . . that one long, long day tailoring with Simon hit me recently, when I went into the old Claire’s. The dressing room is still in the same place. I wonder if he looked down just for a moment and saw me checking on it. Maybe he chuckled and rolled his eyes, pitying anyone who tries to make me clothing. Probably not; I’m silly. Cha’reth, reach out and hold Sally please.

Tue May 17, 2008 3:28 pm *in Zvid* So much time to think, and to pray. I've seen Noor several times. . . that she spends so much time with her father is. . . frightening but well, likely she's safe with him physically. . . She's also so sweet and has so much of her mother in her. Rune and I rented a cottage on Nuvar, and also have a room in Bastion. Rune's found an interest on Hala in a school there. It's exciting really. I think we're where we're meant to be for now. I came back alone and met with Sirion and Ana. They both are doing well. Ana is truly coming into her own. Cha'reth has granted her blessings I could never even dream of attaining. That she is ready to be with us and will stay this time is evident. That she has the will and energy to lead us is a blessed gift. The timing is beautiful. . . thank you, Cha'reth. . . and I was able to give to her mother's gloves with Sirion's support. I know deep in my heart that Mother gave them to me only to hold for Ana. I am no leader. Dependable, yes; Faithful, most certainly. But Leader? No. I am who I am: Cha'reth's daughter, Rune's wife; devoted member of our family of Healers. Mother always knew this. I am Dependable; she knew I'd hold them, do my best, and then give them to Ana. All I want is to do His work, love my family, and, as Ana says, make Rune's babies. ~smileyface~ I don't know that Ana or Saffie understand yet but childrearing among the Avariel is not even optional. It is demanded! I do feel it is my first priority, alongside doing Cha'reth's work. This is my path. Our path. Rune's and mine. Sirion is . . .oh Cha'reth. . .also thriving. So beautiful; I am so very pleased. I've never written down my feelings about him. Only spoken them -- or rather, touched on them really, because I don't think they can be expressed truly with words -- to Saffie and Sally, to Ana, to Sirion himself of course, with words, but mostly my feelings for him have been unspoken and unwritten. Were Rune to know them, he would understand. Likely he does know. It's not possible that he doesn't, for he knows me better than anyone. Rune IS me, my Soul, my Life. If ever there was a Hero, there was my Father. He was a healer, the greatest healer I've evern known, before Cha'reth became a god. He embodied everything I admired and loved in my whole soul. I watched my father murdered. I didn't see who did it for they were in shadows; magic hid the assailant. But he was my Hero. He was Hero. My Father. Is there a love stronger than that of a daughter for her father? . . . and here I see how I will always understand Noor, and her father. . . and never ever put between them even one word. No there is no greater love than a daughter's for her father. None. I already had been worshipping Cha'reth by the time I met Sirion, but he brought me TO Cha'reth, and brought Cha'reth TO me. To say he is like my father is not accurate. If he were, I'd never have fallen in love with him the way I did. I have to describe any resemblance, perhaps, as them carrying the same immensely strong heart. But he, like my father, is my Hero. He, like my father, shows me who I want to be. I'm no longer in love with Sirion, of course -- after all, I married the greatest love of my life -- but as my Father was and ever will be my Hero, now there is Sirion.